You Could Touch The Moonlight
by blackbirdintegrity
Summary: Emily was asked a question that she doesn't seem to know the answer to.


**A/N: So I was watching a rerun of 4.02 The Angel Maker, and this idea crept into my mind. I've watched this episode many times already, and Emily's reaction on this question still baffles me for some reason.**

 **DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN CRIMINAL MINDS**

" _Have you ever been in love, agent?"_

These words were engraved in Emily's mind the moment she was frankly asked by a woman who is in love with a serial killer. The question honestly stunned her but she didn't show it. Of course, she didn't. Her emotions only come 2nd when she's at work. She trained herself well to suck it up and lock it in a box.

But now work's over. They're on the jet flying back to Quantico. Now she has time to mope, wallow, and think about that one freaking question that can't seem to leave her alone.

 _Have you ever been in love, agent?_

Love is a strong word, she thinks. It's a word that she only associates with a number of people, of varying degrees that is. She loves Garcia and JJ like sisters, Morgan like a big brother, Dave like a father, and Spencer like a young brother. She loves them like a family she always wanted to have. Her own family that she vowed to love and protect more than herself. It's not a conventional one, of course not. But they understood and love each other the only way they know how and she could not have asked for something better.

But of course this was not the kind of love that the question was pertaining to. Because if it was, she would've given that woman a beauty-pageant-worthy answer. What was asked of her was a different kind of love. A kind where two souls connect together, as the woman puts it.

 _Have you ever been in love, agent?_

She realizes she's also asking herself. She's had her fair share of romantic love. But she thinks none of them ever came close to what was being asked. And she thinks hard – trying to remember if any of her relationships had gone up to this degree. _No. None. Nada._ She sighs. Maybe a little nap might help.

/

She threw her keys in the bowl and set her go-bag aside as she entered apartment door. Some cases just seem more exhausting than others. She checked the time and realized he wouldn't be here until about midnight. She's not even sure he would be here tonight, but if she remembered correctly, Jack had some sort of sleepover. So maybe, she'd be lucky to be cuddled up with Aaron tonight.

 _Aaron._ The man who seemed to be scaring the bejeezus out of her in the last few weeks. First, the explosion in New York where he almost died. Then there was this case where they all knew he shouldn't be in the field but no one batted an eye and almost lost his hearing. _Almost._ Such a freaking scary word, she thought. But of course, Emily Prentiss never showed emotion in the field. Not in the hospital where they saw him bloodied but still decided to work. God did she want to hug him that time, and god did she want to cry. Then there was this case where it was obvious that he was really hurting. Everyone knew it was impossible to see Hotch show emotion, especially on the field, so they knew he was really in unimaginable pain. God did she hate the fact that she didn't know how to help him, and she hated the fact the he wouldn't let her. She still shudders at the memories of those two cases.

Emily decided to take her time in the nice warm bath and prayed that they won't be called in within the next 24 hours. She'd go ballistic, she thinks. Dinner was also a one-woman occasion. There was no recent call or message from Aaron, which she understood because he was driving. It was a long drive and she wanted to join him, but they're being so careful around the team. Not that they think that they don't know but they made an agreement that they would be strictly professional at work. Strictly Hotch and Prentiss.

After making sure the dishes were done and dinner was warming in the oven for Aaron, she curled up on the couch and opted for a crappy Lifetime movie on TV. But she stopped watching when the question hit her again.

 _Have you ever been in love, agent?_

Then it was like a light bulb just went off on the side of her head. Maybe she had. Maybe she _is._

/

Hotch entered the apartment past midnight, only to find a sleeping Emily curled up on the couch. He remembered sending her a message saying she didn't have to wait up for him, but she insisted the she would stay awake and wait for him. He can't help but smile. So much for that.

"Em." He nudged her shoulder. All he got in response was a light annoyed moan.

"C'mon sleepyhead, let's get to bed." He nudged her again and this time she finally opened her eyes.

"Aaron." She whispered as she sat up.

"Hey" He greeted, giving a kiss on her temple.

"I made you dinner. C'mon." And before he could react, she was already pulling him towards the kitchen.

Thank god she only made veggie omelet and some juice. Something light so they wouldn't have to wait long to go to bed. As he was eating his meal, he couldn't help but be conscious about the way Emily has been staring at him. She was seated across him on the kitchen counter and just literally staring at him.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I should be the one asking you that."

"I'm fine. You know I will be." And then she was silent, which, he found out, could either be good or bad. Right now, he's sensing more on the bad. But he let it go until he finished his meal.

After cleaning up his dishes, he pulled her up from the stool. "C'mon. Bed. Couches aren't really my thing." He rarely makes jokes, but when he does, it really gets her laughing. But this time all he got was a huff and a half smile. _Okay, it was a lame joke anyway,_ he thought. Maybe some pillowtalk would help.

It wasn't until they were cuddled up in bed that he opened the topic again. He's not even sure what the topic is.

"I've noticed something's bothering you while we were working the last case. Talk to me, sweetheart." He coaxed her, while tracing lazy patterns on her back and arm. Something he knew she loved and soothed her.

She sighed, it's now or never. "When Rossi and I were interviewing one of Courtland's supposedly lover, she asked me – and I mean looked dead straight into my eyes and asked me _Have you ever been in love, agent?_ "

She stopped, but he waited. He knows there's more to it. Of course he does.

"And I couldn't utter a word. I'm pretty sure even Rossi noticed it. That's when I realized that what she was asking was something deeper. It bothered me because I felt like I was missing out. I felt like I had it all wrong in the past, like I've wasted all my time. It bothered me because I thought I had no answer for it."

She shifted and sat up Indian-style facing him. "It bothered me because maybe _I am._ I am and I'm just afraid to tell you. Because you almost died on me. Because you almost lost your chance of hearing me say it. Because when I say it – when I say it out loud, it gets more real. And when things get more real, they tend go away – to disappear. I don't want this to disappear. I want don't want you to disappear." She whispered the last sentence, seemingly out of breath.

By her third word, Hotch was also already sitting up facing her. Now, as he looks at this amazing god-send woman who's avoiding eye contact and most probably mentally scolding herself, he realizes he doesn't want a life without her. He doesn't want this to disappear either. "Sweetheart, look at me." He said. It took a while, but he waited. He held her hand and he waited. And when she finally did, he saw nothing but love, longing and a hint of uncertainty. "You may not have believed me when I told you I was fine despite visibly being in pain, you may not have believed me when I said driving back to Quantico alone was okay, and you may not always believe me when I tell you I've already eaten, but I love you. I love you, Emily Prentiss."

"Aaron-"

"Please believe that."

She smiled and nodded. "I love you too."

He kissed the hand the he was holding. "Please also believe me when I say that I'm not going to disappear. I'm not going to let what we have disappear, because I can't, for the life of me, imagine my life without you. It sounds cheesy and highschool-y, but it's the truth. I will fight tooth and nail, come hell or high water, just so I can have you here with me. You are _it_ for me, Emily."

For once she was out of words. For once she's sure that someone wants to be with her forever. For once she's sure that her feelings were reciprocated and not wasted. For once she's sure that Aaron Hotchner is hers forever.

So she kissed him. With this kiss she ought to let him feel all that she could not articulate. With this kiss he ought to let her feel that _this_ will be theirs forever.


End file.
